So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
