I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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