i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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