what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
