Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
