I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
