Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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