Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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