true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
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He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
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You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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