He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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