We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
