Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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