I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
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and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
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The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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