sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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