Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
