I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
