I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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