I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
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