too bad you live with your parents still
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
