Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I need to align my fucking chakras
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
