who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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