i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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