So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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