things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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