He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
