my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Houston, we have a blender
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
