yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
