At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
