uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Randomize
