i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
