Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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