I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
