Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We just shotgunned beers for America
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He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
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Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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