I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
