i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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