dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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