my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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