your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
