Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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