at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
