Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
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the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
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