Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
