I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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