I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
