and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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