Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
