i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize