apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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