Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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