So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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