woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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