All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
