I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
