I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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