mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
