a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
