Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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