All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
