You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
