Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
