Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
