you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
