i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Someone stole a lamp last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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