Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
