If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Gay?
German.
Pity.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
