I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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