she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
