Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I need to calm my uterus...
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
