you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
