We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
