The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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