you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
