In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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