Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
