Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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