so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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